#RANDOMS 001: Unlearning, Breaking The Cycle & Relationships.

I know, title…it’s a lot!

If you know me, I’m an overthinking, self-analyzing, reflective being! I am that person that randomly starts analyzing a topic out loud, will follow up with some questions and BOOM, it’s a serious convo lol. I joke, but I love convos of substance. It has always been me.

I’ve been itching to write a blog post about a bunch of random thoughts. So here it is…I’m going to call these post #RANDOMS (seriously).

Unlearning & Breaking The Cycle:

I’m turning 27 next month and all I can think about are all the things I’ve unlearned and still unlearning up until this day from my past. I’m not saying I grew up in the most horrible household. There’s always good and bad. Truth is, whatever those habits are that you grew up learning, you start to become of aware as you self-reflect. It may be a spending problem. You may have watched your parents spend money recklessly and now you have picked up the habit. It may be that you came from a household where everything was privatized. It may be hard with you to connect on a deeper level with individuals. Whatever it is, I want to encourage you today. It is possible for you to break the cycle and unlearn those things.

The more I think about my habits, I thank God that I am saved! I am thankful for the rest and sense of peace that God gives me despite all the challenges I face daily with bad habits. If you’re reading this and can resonate, girl you are not alone! As a Christian, I won’t say that it’s unicorns and rainbows daily. Breaking horrible past habitual habits are extremely hard and hurtful. Unconsciously, you have learned things and now it’s your responsibility to be receptive and available in order to change.

Thankfully we have tons of resources.

As I sat on my couch listening to a podcast called Brown Ambition, I was so thankful to hear information in regards to finances. Y’all, it was great information FOR FREE thanks to social media! There are tons of podcast, blog post, events, e.t.c to attend to attain information and gain a sense of community. Above all resources, anchor yourself to The Lord and His word. Allow yourself to turn your bad habits into prayers. He hears and sees.

Relationships: Does society promote Sisterhood?:

I thought to myself this week, “Does society promote Sisterhood?“.

In my opinion, not at all.

Instead of promoting what it takes- intentionality, transparency and walking through different seasons with someone, I believe society promotes the total opposite when it comes to friendships. Post filled with selfishness of who should be cut off fill my timeline daily. It’s something that I believe a lot of us aren’t aware of what it entails. I had a ton of falling out with people and asked God to truly show me what a friendship takes. It’s a ton of work and it’s even harder as an adult.

I am not writing this in a tone of me being a great friend. I am not, however it’s a constant prayer to God to help me to see my selfishness and to care for other people. Its truly the sin in us that causes division. It all comes down to the posture of your heart. It’s not about sacrifice because that can look different to others, but obedience. God commands us to love our neighbor.

Let’s get into what it takes.


Effort is required from both people within a friendship. In order for it to work it must be effort from both sides. Granted it may be times and seasons when one must respect the other persons life. It may be a season of transition or great change that may cause a slight temperature change within the relationship, but we’ll talk about that soon. However, it definitely takes two.


Transparency is a must for intimate relationships.Both individuals should be comfortable stating expectations and bringing forth areas in need of change. I always say, its so unfair to hold people to standards they aren’t aware of. Conflict is also unavoidable in relationships. There are times when one may be offended, but those things must be discussed. If they aren’t, it causes division and separation. You have to be able to discuss issues.

Walking Through Seasons.

Life is a series of change. People grow older, get married, move, switch jobs, e.t.c.  Navigating through life with that person may be tricky during those times. It may just change the temperature a bit, but it makes the relationship stronger. You’ll get over the hump with effort, but don’t let the temperature change cause separation.

This is what it takes.

I do feel that it effect us women in a way. Society promotes romantic relationships, but constantly promotes division in sisterhood. Everyone knows romantic relationships require intentionality, transparency and walking through different seasons. I believe that we as women are sometimes quick to go hard for that romantic relationship, yet neglect our friendships which then leads to a codependent romantic relationship. I’ve been there and it’s the most unhealthy thing to be in. Your man cannot be your only friend. I just want this to be a heart check for all of us.

Are we really giving our friendships our all? If not, what can we do to change it?

Thanks for reading!



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